


always fine

by Liberte_Egalite_Broadway



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Angst, Canon Gay Relationship, Episode Related, How do I stress enough that this is a sad fic, M/M, Major major spoilers, Night Vale Dog Park, Not Beta Read, Pain, Suffering, The Blood Space War, Typical Night Vale Violence, Typical Night Vale Weirdness, for Episode 147
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-15 20:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18676474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liberte_Egalite_Broadway/pseuds/Liberte_Egalite_Broadway
Summary: The moon is broken, the town is changing, and the Blood Space War rages on.Carlos knows what's going to happen to him.





	always fine

**Author's Note:**

> OUCH oof okay this episode had me SOBBING no joke I'm a mess and then I started thinking about how we've seen this whole thing from Cecil's perspective but not from Carlos's. So this fic was born because I like causing pain after a pain-causing episode. cry with me in the comments. 
> 
> Anyway, this probably isn't very good, but I just wanted to get down some angst off the top of my head.

He finds the broken piece of the moon out in the sand wastes. 

This is weird because he doesn't remember the moon being broken before. Yet when he looks up, there it is, and a piece of it is broken, like a bite taken out of a cookie.

He gathers a sample of the broken moon chunk into a test tube and seals it. Then he texts "get some sulfuric acid ready" to Nilanjana, for scientific reasons, and then "Hope you're having a good day! Love you! <3 <3 <3" to Cecil for personal reasons. 

"This is unlike any mineral I have seen before," says Nilanjana as they run tests on the moon rock. "Who knew moon rock had so many properties?"

"Yeah, and who knew it wasn't actually cheese?" Mark taps the test tube, which shakes the dust from the moon rock inside. "Fascinating." 

"This is a very unusual event," says Carlos. "Also, I do not remember the moon having broken."

"Maybe we're collectively misremembering it," offers Nilanjana. "Maybe it was always like this." 

"I mean, can you actually prove that it wasn't?" Mark turns on the bunsen burner. "Just saying." 

Carlos watches the moon rock sizzle in the sulfuric acid for a while, writing things on a clipboard, saying "hmm." He eventually sets the pen down and looks at Nilanjana and Mark. "So when was the last time that you saw the moon being whole?" 

Nilanjana frowns. "What do you mean? The moon's never been whole."

Carlos blinks. "Wait, what? Nils, we're doing tests on moon rock right now."

"Right. The moon is broken. It always has been." 

She gestures out the window, to where the moon can be seen in the sky, newly dark after an early sunrise, dark with the night that is mostly void, partially stars. It is broken, and yet a piece of moon rock bubbles in a test tube. Or at least he thinks it does. When he turns to look at it, there's a different rock, the kind that might have been chipped out of a sandstone structure in the desert. He can't prove that a moon rock was ever there. 

 

When Cecil gets home from work that night, Carlos is sitting at the kitchen table writing numbers down. He looks up as Cecil comes in, with his plaid jacket, striped pink pants, and neon green combat boots. He grins when he sees Carlos and sets down his bag. "Hey, baby," he says, kissing him quickly before flinging himself dramatically across Carlos in the chair. He runs his fingers through Carlos's hair. "How was your day?" 

"A little stressful." 

Cecil picks up the sheet of paper from the table. "This is a lot of numbers." 

"Right. It's scientific. Science is one of the best ways to unwind after a stressful day." Carlos rubs his temples. "Except the stress involved science."

Cecil looks like he wants to ask, but seems to sense Carlos won't want to talk about it. He kisses his forehead. "Well," he says, "we'll have to go for the second best way to unwind. Watching a movie with your beautiful husband while he makes you dinner!" 

Carlos can't help from smiling. He lets Cecil pull him up from the chair. "Sounds great."

He loves him so much. 

 

The invisible clock tower goes missing and no one even seems to notice. This isn't that big a cause for concern, sure. But when the entire private library vanishes without a word, Carlos becomes worried. Sure, no one could ever go into the private library, but they should notice its disappearance. He takes an early lunch break and drives over to City Hall to do some investigating, which isn't technically science, but which is very necessary in this circumstance. 

"Library?" asks Councilwoman Tamika Flynn as she shuffles through the papers on her desk. "Why would you ask me about that? I hate books." 

"But I thought you love books. And that library was just built recently, remember? For Marcus Vansten? Before he became an angel."

"Sorry, Mr. Palmer. I think you have me confused with something else. The only Night Vale library is the public library. Besides, angels don't exist." Tamika smiles. "Can I do anything else for you?"

Something is definitely wrong. 

As Carlos drives back to his lab (listening, like he always does, to Cecil on the radio), he thinks about the last time timelines converged in Night Vale. How a brother that Cecil didn't ever have suddenly appeared in their home. But these were brief snapshots into how the world could be. What's happening here is like... like the reality is being erased and rewritten. It's like the moon crumbling. 

He needs to do more research. 

 

The moon rock is gone, as is the Night Vale private library. As Carlos texts Rachelle on a field run, asking her to bring him a coffee, the entire barista district becomes empty.His phone buzzes as Rachelle writes frantically that all the baristas are gone, that it's like they never existed. Carlos steps into his office and calls her. 

"Hey, boss," she says when she picks up. She is eerily calm. "I grabbed you a Starbucks, I'll be back soon."

"What about the baristas? Have any of them, like, reappeared?"

"What do you mean? There have never been baristas in Night Vale." Rachelle laughs. "Seriously, didn't you know that all the coffee is made for us by a generous demigod? Why do you think Starbucks is so expensive?"

"That makes no sense. You just said -"

But there is no longer any sound on his phone. When he tries to dial back, he realizes that Rachelle is no longer in his contacts list. She never comes back to the lab, and none of the others ever remember a person named Rachelle working with them. 

It's not until the others have gone home that he figures it out. 

 

Cecil knocks once on the bathroom door and then slips in a split second after Carlos covers the mirror and calls "come in". "Hey, handsome," Cecil grins, hopping up onto the counter. He studies Carlos intently, smiling. "Have you ever thought about growing a beard?" 

"Not really. And I know, that's kind of unusual for a scientist, but even though studies show that beards increase the hotness of a person by at least nine percent, I'm just not sure whether those studies can be considered accurate. After all, with that much corporate funding, scientists sometimes feel pressured to make the conclusion their sponsor wants, not the one that's accurate. You know?"

"Right." Cecil reaches over and runs his thumb along Carlos's jawline. "But you're your own scientist and can decide whatever you like!" 

"Hmm." 

He looks into Cecil's bright purple eyes and thinks about telling him the whole thing right there. How all the things relatively new to Night Vale are being erased, including his team. How he's sure he'll be erased himself one day soon. Telling Cecil would break his heart, but they'd be able to go through this together. And they're husbands, shouldn't he be honest? He would want Cecil to tell him if there was something like this about to happen. Of course he would. 

Wouldn't he?

"Carlos?"

"Hmm?"

"Is something wrong?" 

Carlos looks at the man he's married to and decides he can't break his heart. Not again. 

"No, I'm fine." He leans forward and gives Cecil a quick peck on the lips. "I just love you a lot."

"I love you too." Cecil beams and hops down from the counter. "So, can I know the final verdict? I'll need to report it to my listeners." 

Carlos chuckles. Even after six years he's not quite used to his smallest actions being so important to so many people. "The beard stays."

"Hot," says Cecil. 

 

It occurs to him that he'll never finish his experiments. 

 

When he gets to the lab, Nilanjana isn't there, and none of the others ever remember her. "Sorry," they say as they write on chalkboards. "I don't remember a person named Nilanjana ever working here." 

Carlos feels an ache at the back of his throat, and a stinging in his eyes. He goes into his office but doesn't work. Instead, he sits on the floor with his back pressed against the wall. Nilanjana was one of his best friends here. He remembers her fighting the Smiling God, her steadfast resolve to protect the town. He remembers staying up late in the office, the two of them poring over charts long after everyone else went home. She was the first person to join this team. She was the one that helped him pick his outfit for his first date with Cecil. And now she doesn't exist anymore. No, she never existed at all. 

He's the only one that sees these changes, and he wishes he could not see them. 

 

Every day when he wakes up, he marvels at the breath that is still in his lungs. His limbs still move and his heart still beats, but all of that could end at any moment. It just seems like everything else is planning to end first. Cecil is hard at work covering the Blood Space War on the news, which is difficult because reports contradict each other, and also because he tends to forget what he's reading while on the air and then discover that the paper has vanished. 

"The report should be there," Cecil says, lying across Carlos in bed. "But then I look at my hands, and... it's gone. And I can never remember what it said in the first place." He shrugs. "Eh, I'm not going to worry about it." 

"It is confusing," Carlos agrees. "And I don't like that, you know, because I'm a scientist, and as a scientist I shouldn't get confused by problems like this. I should understand them."

Cecil rolls over and cups his cheek. "You'll figure it out," he says reassuringly. "That's why I'm not worried." He grins. "Because I know you'll save us." He kisses Carlos slowly, deeply. It feels like it could be strong enough to keep him pinned to this reality, if he only holds on tightly enough and want this badly enough. He buries his hands in Cecil's hair and pulls him closer. He feels tears starting in his eyes and blinks to clear them away just before the two break apart. Cecil traces his jawline. "I love you," he says. 

"I love you too," Carlos whispers. His voice breaks slightly, but Cecil has already curled drowsily against him, and he doesn't seem to notice. Carlos watches him sleep for hours. 

 

As he makes coffee, as he writes equations, as he cooks dinner with his husband, he looks at his hands and wonders what it will be like to stop existing. 

 

"We should get a dog." 

"Are you sure? Dogs are expensive." 

"Yes, that's a fact. But it's also a fact that dogs are just the best, cutest boys around, and we should get one." 

He knows that once he fades out of existence, Cecil will be alone. Hopefully he'll still have Abby and Janice and Steve, but he doesn't see them everyday. It won't be the same. Also, Khoshekh appeared in Night Vale around the same time Carlos did, so what's to keep him from leaving this timeline too? Carlos doesn't want Cecil to be lonely. Even if Cecil won't realize why. 

They get a purple dog, even though purple dogs are scientifically impossible, because purple is Cecil's favorite color, and because it will compliment Khoshekh. For however long Khoshekh sticks around. Cecil decides to call him Aubergine 

"That's a good choice," says the vet as she helps them fill out their paperwork. "I always liked this one. I'm happy he's found a good home. Remember to give him lots of exercise, okay?"

"We will!" says Cecil as he covers the top of Aubergine's head in kisses. "Won't we, my good boy? My perfect boy?" He grins and looks back at the vet. "You know, it would be nice if we had somewhere in town that people could take their dogs. Like maybe a dog park." 

"Right? I've been saying this for years, but City Council just won't listen." She sighs and hands the clipboard back to them. "Would you like to schedule vaccinations and ritual exorcism here, or shall I connect you to a different office?"

Carlos half-listens, but mostly he works on processing the fact that the Dog Park is gone. And the Dog Park opened on the same day he arrived here. 

 

He sends a text to Janice late that night. He's lying on their front porch swing in just his boxers and lab coat, the night air cold on his exposed skin. Tears sting in his eyes. His body still shakes. When he woke up sobbing a few minutes ago, he ran out here before Cecil could wake up. Now he texts his niece. 

_Hi. I know you're probably asleep but I just wanted to say I hope you have a great day at school tomorrow. I'm really proud of you. Always remember that. Love you. - Uncle Carlos_

Cecil is still asleep when he goes back to bed, splayed out across the mattress in the adorable bed-hog way he's always had. It took Carlos a long time to get used to sleeping next to another person. He'd been alone for so long before this. When he crawls back under the covers, they're warm, and Cecil is warm as he nestles against him in sleep. 

"Something is bothering you," says a voice from the shadows. "I know you do not wish to tell the radio host, but you cannot keep it from me." 

Carlos rolls over and pulls the covers over his head. "I'll miss you too, Faceless Old Woman." 

The voice hesitates. Then he feels a long finger gently touch the top of his head. "You are a very good person," she says. "I do not encounter good people often in this existence of mine."

He hears her scuttle away and tries to ignore the ache in his chest. 

 

The skyline of Night Vale is beautiful. Carlos wonders why he never noticed that before. Maybe he noticed, but failed to appreciate it, taking for granted that it would always be there for him to see. Or that he would always be there to see it. 

 

He drives Cecil to work. Every bit of anxiety in his brain is screaming at him now, wondering if this is the last time that he'll ever be with Cecil, telling him to take advantage of every moment in case it is. He reaches over and laces their fingers together above the clutch. 

"Hey," he says. 

"Yes?"

Carlos brings Cecil's palm to his lips without taking his eyes off the road. If he looks at Cecil now he knows he'll never be able to look away. "I love being in love with you." 

"Carlos, is something going on?"

"I don't know," He trails his fingertips over Cecil's knuckles. "But I'll let you know if I find out, okay?" 

"Please be careful. With... whatever it is you're doing." 

They stop the car in the radio station driveway. Carlos gets out to kiss Cecil goodbye, lingering into the kiss for a little longer than would be standard. When they break apart he doesn't let go quite yet. He stays a little longer, holding his husband, breathing in the smell of his hair, feeling the warmth of him pressed to his chest. 

"You're the love of my life," he tells Cecil. He feels Cecil's heartbeat speed up a little against his. 

"Really?"

"Cecil, we've been married for two years."

"Neat!" 

He chuckles and kisses the side of Cecil's head. Then he pulls back and looks into his eyes.

"I'll see you after work." Cecil says. "Does tortellini sound okay for dinner?"

"Scientifically speaking, that sounds amazing." He sneaks in one last kiss. "Have a great day. I love you so much." 

 

There is a dark planet of awesome size lit by no sun. One day we will all go there. 

Carlos stands at the edge of the Arby's parking lot, on the slight hill overlooking the town. To one direction, Arby's. To the other, the buildings and streets of Night Vale, and then the endless desert beyond and the dark sky above. The sky is dark, for some reason, even in the middle of the day. Perhaps the timeline has been altered so that it is always night. He doesn't know. He doubts he'll be able to find out. The peach-scented wind that always hangs over this place stirs his labcoat and his hair, sending them dancing in the breeze. There are no peach trees in Night Vale, and very few ongoing fires, so the persistent smell of burnt peaches should not be possible. But then, most things about this place should not be possible.

He loves this town. 

He can see his lab in the distance. As he watches, the cars in the parking lot fade, until it is just an empty lot in front of a lab building that no longer provides workspace to a team of scientists. He's crying, tears dripping down his cheeks and along the silver lines in his hair, dripping slowly to the sandy earth below. The wind stirs the sand at his feet, and it is cold. The sky above him has gone dark. 

He thinks about what it felt like to kiss Cecil for the first time; what it felt like to get married with all Night Vale's citizens watching. He thinks about the simple things of this existence: buying groceries in the Ralph's from people who knew his name, falling asleep tangled up with the man he married, picking up his niece from basketball practice. Small things. Good things. 

There is a dark planet, and when he looks up it is there above him. His scientific eyes trace the geography of the planet. How he would like to study those thick forests, to take samples and put them under a microscope in his lab. Nilanjana would help with that; she was great at microscope work. And there are jagged mountains on the planet. His lips quirk in a smile as he wonders what Cecil would say about that. 

He wants to send Cecil one last text, but there's no point. This isn't a death, it's an erasure. It's a timeline being rewritten to no longer include him. 

So for however long he has left, he looks past the dark planet and towards the too-dark sky; mostly void, partially stars. Carlos watches as the distant lights of the Glow Cloud fade to the color of a normal cloud, and as the lights above the Arby's sputter and burn out. Are they leaving this world, or is he? The town in the horizon seems almost to glow. He wants to fall into it. He wants to keep living. 

But, like most humans, what he wants doesn't matter. 

He lifts his face to the changing sky and gazes at it through his human, tear-blurred vision. And as his eyes flicker over the planet's surface, as he realizes too late that a scientist is not, in fact, always fine, the world around him is growing dim; and as he waits for the end to come, he touches his wedding ring and remembers a man with purple eyes and a voice like honey. 

There is a dark planet of awesome size lit by no sun. One day we will all go there. 

Carlos breathes in one last time. And then he ceases to exist. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come cry with me on tumblr: this-is-a-podcast-fanblog.tumblr.com


End file.
